Healing my pain with a magnet

Experiment

To determine whether magnets will “increase ion exchange, increased blood circulation, and increased oxygen flow to the cells and especially the white blood cells”.

Introduction

Magnets are freaking amazing. They’re stronger than gravity, they make your refrigerator festive, and they turn ferromagnetic fluids into dancing alien sculptures. For millennia, people have been picking up magnets and applying them to afflicted body parts in the hopes that anything that awesome must have some kind of magical healing properties too. A lot of magnet-related healing guides operate under the assumption that blood has iron in it, and magnets attract iron, so blood must be magnetic. A few sources go even further and claim that magnets can treat both physical and emotional pain. Magnets are just that cool.

Materials

Fridge magnet

Bad cramp

Spare time

Method

1) I woke up yesterday with a serious cramp on the right side of my neck, so that’s taken care of.

2) This magnet is so strong that I had a hard time peeling it off the fridge, so I’m sure it’ll increase my ion exchange like nobody’s business. I couldn’t find any articles advocating for or against comical Bushisms on your healing magnets, so I’m going to assume that political humor is not known to interfere with magnetic fields.

I is learning about magnets today

4) I applied the magnet to my neck.

3) Isaac put a magnet on his head in solidarity.

4) I didn’t experience any gentle tingling under the magnet, as my sources told me I would, but I think my neck cramped up a bit more because I was holding it in an unnatural position to keep the magnet in place.

5) After about a quarter of an hour, I took the magnet off and examined the results.

Results

My neck is still cramped, and now it feels even worse because I had to hunch over and learn to the side to keep the magnet in place. Isaac claims he “feels at peace in a way he never felt before”, so maybe the religious humor on his magnet was better at moving ions around. Holistic healers, it’s time to look into the curative power of Jesus jokes.

Conclusion

I think Isaac has been bribed by the powerful pro-magnet lobby.

Inner peace?